tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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