how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
