Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
