Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
