dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
