Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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