i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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