im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
