Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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