Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Send help, water and tortillas.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
