Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
