how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
