Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
