I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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