no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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