Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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