Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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