Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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