I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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