We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
