Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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