I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
