Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
