I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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