Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
