Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Can I color on your dick again?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
