I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
