So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
