I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
