These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
