I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
