You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
