If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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