Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
