that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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