but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
