apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
