Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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