I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
