I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
