Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
