is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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