well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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