I'm drive I can fine osifer
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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