at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
