Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
