Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think my moral compass just broke
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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