I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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