mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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