If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
