im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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