I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
