You really coming over, don't trick.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
They left me at home... I'm a liability
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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