Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
