I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
